I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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