I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
