I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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