gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
