gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
