The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
