alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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