I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
