just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
