i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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