well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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