This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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