sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
