Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
As shirtless as possible
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
