dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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