Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
