And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
