Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is Oprah even human
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize