If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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