i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize