i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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