So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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