its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Still dying that you shit outside
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
