now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
