Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
