There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
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Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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