I can text with my tongue
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
