WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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