I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
