Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
