i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
