Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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