Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
