Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
