Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
