CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
