There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
