guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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