That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
