Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
