God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
