Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
