i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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