Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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