The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
