The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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