you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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