I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
