Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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