exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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