I'm going to jail i love you
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
