I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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