guys are only as good as the porn they watch
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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