I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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