I hate all girls vehemently.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
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shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
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I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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