The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
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We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.