My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
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I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..