Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!