If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills