so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall