He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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