so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf