idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
