he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
