So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
