Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
