Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
