i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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