mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
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How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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