My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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