Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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