You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Say something about gay babies.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
