She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
