just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
