tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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