Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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