It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
