even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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