how can u be prego again
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
