i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
