Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I am available for nakedness
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
