Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
