He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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