Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize